By Karen Sternheimer

Sociologists have long studied marriage and relationships, asking big-picture questions about how relationships reflect changing social structure, shifts in gender and power, and economic factors. Sociologists are also interested in interpersonal experiences, such as how do people make meaning of love and relationships? How is love more than just a private feeling but a public issue?

We know that strong relationships with family and friends are good for longevity and overall health, with one study finding that strong social ties is as important as healthy eating and active living for overall health. This is more than just interesting intellectually—we all likely want to cultivate strong relationships for both our short-term and long-term happiness. But it can be easier said than done, especially if we are not in social situations where we might meet new people (such as, after we are no longer students or no longer have children who are students).

Relationships can be between friends, family members, intimate partners, or relative strangers who might become new friends. I find that travel—if only for a few hours—is a great way to build relationships, and to discover if someone is a good fit for a friend or long-term relationship.

Travel doesn’t have to mean going far, and can even include taking a walk, going to a fun destination in a new part of town, or trying something new you find on a social gathering site like meetup.com. I belonged to a hiking group for a long time, which was a great way to interact and decide if someone was friend material.

Not only do you get to talk to people, but you can also see in real time how they interact with you and with others. On one hike I slipped and fell on a trail, and someone nearby laughed. I’m not sure why they thought it was funny, but I determined that they weren’t someone I wanted to be friends with at that moment. More likely, I learned what I had in common with people based on group conversations, which bonded us for future hikes.

Travel might range from staying close to home for a short outing or going to another country with a tour group; I have family members who became lifelong friends with people they met on cruises and would plan their vacations with the same cruise friends every year.

Spending time with someone in a new place represents a short journey, a snapshot of the long journey people take together as part of interpersonal relationships. In a relatively short time span, you can learn:

• How open is this person to new experiences? Is it compatible with your own?
• Do you like to do similar kinds of activities?
• Is this person enjoyable to talk to? Are they a good listener?
• Are your worldviews compatible? They don’t need to be identical, but if they are different, are you both open to learning the other’s perspective?

Longer outings, like overnight trips and beyond can teach us things that are particularly important for intimate partners than friends and family:

• How well do you make plans with the other person?

Travel typically requires some forethought, like where you are going and when. Some people (like me) really like the planning process, while others are happy to turn the planning over to someone else. Are you both planners, and if so, how do you work together to accommodate each other’s interests?

• Do you have similar priorities?

My spouse and I choose vacation destinations where we can be outdoors, preferably hiking or walking in cities, rather than shopping or fine dining. We tend to wake up and go to sleep at similar times—which he prioritizes so our waking schedules match—and like to get an early start on our day. We both avoid heat when possible, so taking a break midday is something we seek out while traveling.

• How do you manage the differences in your interests?

What happens when a morning person finds themselves with a night owl? Or one person really likes checking out local shops when the other person prefers museums? How you navigate these differences matters. Do you both make space for each other, or does one person insist on doing things their way?

• Are your financial habits similar? You can determine this right away when choosing a destination, meals, and lodging.

Even if your financial habits are different, do both people figure out a way to accommodate the other’s preferences and needs, especially if there are significant income differences? We typically prefer dining at home, whether that means cooking ourselves or getting takeout, but we regularly check in with each other and see if the other wants to do something different that day.

Travel can also introduce complications, which are problems that need to be solved together. Getting lost and running late can happen any time, but might be more likely in an unfamiliar place. How well do you communicate with one another during these difficult moments? How about when you are tired, hungry, and/or jet-lagged?

We once had trouble finding our lodging in Strasbourg, France, when the address we put into the car’s GPS varied slightly from the actual address. We drove in circles for about 20 minutes before figuring out that there was another street with a similar name about a mile away. As we approached the correct address, the windshield wipers came on and we couldn’t figure out how to turn them off. I burst out laughing; to his credit, my husband did too despite both of us feeling tired and frustrated at the time.

This kind of stress test is useful, especially because travel is temporary, and the problems are typically not ongoing. But how you interact with each other is ongoing. How else might travel reflect relationship issues, particularly with family? Share your experiences in the comments below.