By Sally Raskoff
Have you ever noticed how people interact with one another in everyday settings? I was at a restaurant recently and the busy salad bar got my attention and awakened my sociological imagination. As people jockeyed for position and access to their favorite veggies, I noticed that how we take turns with people—especially those whom we do not know—can tell us much about the social setting in which we live.
Sociologically speaking, turn-taking behavior involves a set of norms that guide our behavior and allows something as complex as society to exist. When those norms are followed, we have social order; when these norms are breached or otherwise disrupted, we have some chaos in our social order.
During my recent salad bar observation, I observed diners following some gender and age- related norms. Men, especially older men, let women go ahead of them in line if they arrived at the bar simultaneously. Some younger men jumped the line to get their plates full before their male peers. Most women held back and let others in, no matter who the other diners were. Most older people were more accommodating and let the younger people in, except for one much older man, who evidently felt he’d paid his dues and went right for the carrots. A middle-aged woman talking on a Bluetooth cell phone filled her plate, oblivious to others around her.
When people jumped the line, most reacted by scowling or shaking their heads to express their disdain; few people actually said something to the norm breaker. When two younger men elbowed in to get their croutons, the mostly older crowd shook their heads in a more understanding way, as if to say “Boys will be boys.”
The norms operating here, based on gender and age, reflect the power differences that different groups experience in our society. Overall, men were more assertive in their positions at the salad bar and women were more accommodating. Young adults were more forceful in filling their plates before others compared to the older people. Much research exists to document the primacy and privilege of men and youth compared to their subordinate counterparts of women and older adults. Thus, those with privilege were able to bend the typical norms of turn-taking and not suffer negative effects.
When we notice norms operating in situations like these, there is typically some exception to the pattern, but this does not disprove the finding. For example, the one older man elbowed a younger woman because he felt entitled to his carrots. Thus, his gender privilege trumped his age disadvantage. The woman on the phone does present an exception to the pattern, but no behavior is ever 100% predictable, though.
At the salad bar, the most pleasant interactions were between the women and older people. This was evident by the smiles and cordial words that they shared.
I drove home from this setting pondering these norms. While driving, I quickly realized that the norms of turn-taking differ dramatically depending on the situation. Turn-taking norms while driving deal with merging into and out of lanes and at stop signs. It was very clear within a few blocks that pleasing or cordial driving was very rare no matter who was driving. Everyone wanted priority at the stop sign no matter who was on their right; drivers did not slow down to allow other cars to merge in front of them.
At one freeway on-ramp, two lanes merge into one and several cars are all in the left lane, waiting to enter the freeway. As a car turns into the ramp and comes up the right lane, one of the cars in the left lane pulls out halfway and blocks their progress. One could interpret this in two ways, but both are attempts to repair a broken norm.
First, the driver pulling out might have thought the other driver violated the turn-taking norm by jumping the line since all the cars on the left side patiently waited in line (even though there was another lane they weren’t filling). Second, the other driver might have thought the left driver was interfering with their turn since they blocked their path. Such interactions can lead to road rage incidents simply because people think others don’t follow the rules.
Social isolation in our cars gives us a feeling of omnipotence. We also do all sorts of things in our cars while driving that we would not do in the company of people. How many times have you seen someone picking their nose in the car next to you? This is not a rare activity.
Comparing salad bars and driving may seem an odd task. Certainly there are differences that impede such comparison. However, the main focus here, turn-taking norms, do apply to both situations and comparing the two helps identify what was going on with the cell phone woman at the salad bar.
The physical isolation that technology affords us, whether through cars or cell phones, can erode the norms of interpersonal interaction. The woman on the cell phone at the salad bar is an example of this. While she was in close physical proximity to others, she did not interact with any people there. Others noticed her and saw her behavior as rather rude—she was the focus of some scowling facial reactions although no one dared ask her to get off the phone.
Sociology is a tool to make sense of everyday behavior. I’m happy to be part of this blog to share my observations and thoughts about how sociology helps us to understand the world. While I used norms and patterns of privilege and inequality to better understand behaviors at the salad bar and on the road, there are many other sociological concepts that could be useful for understanding these same situations. Be on the lookout in your daily life for patterns that you can analyze sociologically and don’t hesitate to try on a concept or two!
I noticed that, when driving, people are more aggressive than they would be if they were face-to-face. Because we are in out cars, we think are entitled to break the law, scream and yell at people, and act inexcusable to people. Just because we drive doesn’t mean we are god, and have the right to take over, even if it was our go. That’s the problem with people today, they have no respect for themselves and in turn have no respect for anyone else.
Some of the norms the author mentioned at the beginning of this article included her observations that older men allowed women to go ahead of them in line, younger men tried to jump ahead of their fellow male peers to fill up their plates, and younger women were more reserved in their approaching the buffet. These norms work together to collectively create social order in the environment. The older individuals at the buffet were more reserved and mature while some of the younger individuals acted like ravenous wolves. Men tended to be more assertive than women in the situation. This situation differed from the drive home in that the people when in their own cars seemed to have a feeling of omnipotence. Each individual driver was only concerned about themselves and the passengers they were carrying.
I found it intresting in the fact that people of different age groups and genders acted differently in the two situations. In the two differnt settings poeple seemed to react differently. When the people were in their cars they seemed to be a bit more vocal then the ones at the salad bar. I also found it intresting in the fact that while driving, poeple just automaticqally felt like they needed to get to the stop sign first. I think that goes along with how competitive our culture is. At the salad bar, gender roles seemed to show through the best. Woman were more accomidating while men were more assertive. Younger poeple filled thier plates up before others. There were many norms observed at the salad bar. One was that men let woman go ahead of them simutanously in the line, women let anyone in front of them regardless of who they were. Older people were also very accomidating other than one older man who felt he had paid his dues and went ahead in line. This just goes to show that in different situations, gender and age play into reactions without even realizing it!
I look at the salad bar event as everyday life situations. Some people are very curtious while others just don’t care of others, to me that’s an act of selfishness. I don’t at all believe it’s the way one was raised, althrough that plays a major part in ones social behavior. I hope I explained erosion of sociability.
hopefully when you get older you are wiser and have more self control. People are very interesting. I think the lady on the bluetooth was probably alone. A lot of times people do not like to be alone and bacause of technology you never really have to be by yourself.
Going back to respect, everyone is learning from games and the internet. We are not learning any respect at all. Parents do not raise their children with the respect that they were raised in. We all need to learn how to respect each other like back in the day when my grandmother spoke or smiled at everyone she met going down the road or buying groceries.
I have experience someone jump in front of me at a restaurant whlile I was in line at the salad bar. And when that happen I got really mad and just looked at that person. I feel like people should not be so rude and be more kind.
Some of the norms the author observed at the salad bar was that of older men allowing women to go ahead of them, younger men jumping ahead of people. I think it all has to do with the way people are raised.
People are more likely to venture outside the norm when they feel protected(via distractions). Whether you’re on the phone in a social setting, or driving in your car, you become somewhat oblivious to your surrondings and the reactions of others.
He was talking about the difference between the men and woman and elders and children, how they all interact differently with one another. Of course some of the first to go in line were the elders. Children are also few to go in line ahead. As well as woman. Poor Men!The differences with the “norms” at the salad bar and the ones driving is that in a car you feel more along and yourself. If its normal for you to scream and yell then when somone pulls out in front of you you will probably scream and yell. But, when in public, well most of the time, people seem to have more manners and scream and yall in a restaurant. Well just mayne not out loud!
I think that a lot of our social norms are based on how we were raised. Older generations(men and women) believed in respect whereas the younger generations seem to think that it’s every man for himself. The difference in the norms at the salad bar and while driving is mainly due to a person’s comfort level. When most people are in public they are unsure about their surroundings so they tend to act more cautiously. When someone is in their car they feel as though the other person can’t do them any real harm so they choose to be insensitive.
Society has changed so much over such a short period of time that one may find it difficult to define the “norm” of society. People’s interactions with each other from an outside perspective may not be the same each time with the same individuals. How people interact with each other varies not because of chivalry, but because society is now such a fast paced setting one may find it difficult to feel comfortable and relaxed around any one person. Elderly people are a completley different culture because of chivilary. One may say chivalry is dead because of the independent women today, however elderly people are more apt to be more courteous to each other than younger ones because younger women are now insulted by a gentleman as opposed to the “old fashioned” way of doing things because of how they were raised and were probably raised to not be dependent on men.
Social norms are constantly changing with each generation. It seems as though with every generation moral values and respect are slowly disappearing. In earlier years respect was given whereas now you basically have to take it to get it. The salad bar and the road trip are prime examples of both situations.
i know why do we find our behavior so acceptable but we get upset when others do not excuse theirselves or even hog the entire isle at wal-mart while they catch up talking with an old friend ..i get really upset about this one…
I find this blog to be quite interesting although sociology is not really my thing. It got me to thinking about things i normally dont think about. This blog is true though. When i got to buffets or whereever with my family and friends, i observe the same things there, whether im sitting down watching it happens or in the mix of the action. i just havent thought about these behaviors in that sense. Driving..i never thought of it that way. It was either “good people” or “bad people.” Most i think would be bad people. Not character, but actions. No one said you had to be in a rush to go anyhere. Being in a rush could cost you your life.
I think this blog is very true, especially about the buffet portion of the blog most older men and women of all ages will not mind if someone jumps ahead of them and I think it is just the way they were raised. I can’t say the same about drivers, driving brings the worst out of everyone.
Funny…. I agree in that being a woman myself. I will allow other to go before me and respect my elder. I love the idea that yes when we are alone certain behavior that we wouldn’t necessary perform in a social setting will display itself. After reading this blog, I will most earnestly observe life situation differently
sociological interactions can be noticed everywhere we go especially in eating settings
Some of the norms at the salad included men let women go ahead of them in line, most women held back and let others go in front of them and younger men cut in front of other males. Sociologically speaking the norms at the salad bar based on age and gender reflect the power differences in our society. Take for example if a wealthy person was to see a poor person the wealthy person would keep their distance, not even saying much because to a wealthy person who only values money poor people are considered untouchables. Meanwhile you have a middle class person and a poor person and they identify with one another. They find common ground because they can emphasize with each other. The norms observed at the salad bar are so different from the norms while driving because at the salad bar people had face to face interaction. While driving you have limited interaction. Most people are holding a conversation with whom ever is in the car, or on the phone, listening to music, etc. There are so many distractors people do not pay attention to the road where as when you are face to face with someone there is more social activity.
The observation at the salad bar is interesting; I have noticed things like this at public places also. The older generation usually is more respectful and patient than the younger generation. I believe the reason you see this in public places more often is because you realize that you are being watched, looked at, or observed. Therefore people respond different in these circumstances. Although when you are riding alone in your car, you don’t realize the other person in the car next to you is actually watching you so you end up showing your true colors. I believe it boils down to how people are raised.
One reason I believe young men were abrupt at the salad bar is due to their upraising. The generation now did not grow up the same as the previous. Chivalry and common courtesy was something that was practiced heavily and it seems as society is moving away from it.
The older generation is more acceptive of the rudeness because they don’t want to deal with it. They’ll probably shake their heads and speak amongst each other rather than confront the person.
Most women are nurturing and forgiving which speaks for why they weren’t assertive at the salad bar. However, there a some who are very outspoken and fiesty.
This is a very interesting article/blog that is pretty accurate about gender and age interactions in society.
Some of the norms in this observation are men allowing women to go ahead of them, younger boys racing to the food before their peers, women allowing people to cut them in line. These are examples of the social behaviors we are taught growing up. Respecting your elders, women are supposed to be caretakers, men tending to women, younger men fighting for their food. People behave in the ways so not to break social norms. That is why there is such a difference in the authors observations from the salad bar to their drive home, people tend to behave more in public and as the author addresses people feel alone in their cars.
I think as time change people change. People used to be very polite but now they dont care about who they hurt.
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
this was interesting because it is so true what it says many people do no think about manners any longer they just think of the moments anger or the reaction of the moment and the media has a big part in this as well.
Do you believe, as the article claims, that most of us are hard core, rabid conformists?
I believe that the majority of society is willing to conform to social norms. As the article shows there are different roles that everyone plays in society. This article in particular talks about old people, young men, and women interacting at a salad bar. Following these social norms creates social order however when people do not follow the norm some chaos emerges. The article also explains that technology such as cars and Bluetooth devices build social isolation. Social isolation allows for norms to be disregarded. So there are a few instances where people are not rabid conformists due to other social factors.
How do students help to encourage other students to follow norms within a classroom?
Students encourage other students to follow norms within a classroom in both positive and negative ways. One example is when a student is talking during class and another student asks him if he could be quiet. That would be enforcing the social norm that students should be quiet and paying attention during their lecture. Another example is when a girl and a boy arrive at a door at the same time the male student should allow the girl student to exit first.
It is very interesting to see when people follow norms and when they break them. When people are in a resturaunt they tend to be more polite then when they are driving. It seems evident that certain situations have specific norms. Where you are and the social class of the people in the area also determine the norms that are typically followed. There still seems to be an issue in some instances, some people dont care if they break a norm and people cant believe their actions.
I do believe that, people take inconsideration norms especially when there out in society, and if a person doest follow norms people tend, to get mad or look at them different because there not fowling the norms. Students help to encourage other students to follow norms by, telling someone to be quiet because the teacher may be talking, or being polite to the girls because thats what they’ve been told to do in public. Know theres also other ways like when a teacher has rules in a poster reminding the students of what to do and not to do in her class. As well seeing other students doing good norms, it tends to help you remember what is right to do inside a class.
I don’t agree that most people are hardcore, rabid conformists. They are more like angry conformists, it seems. They have certain expectations and norms that have been engraved in their social thinking that when they see someone disrupt the norm, they get angry. Some go as far as to insult that person for a rule that techincally does not exist.
An examply showing how students encourage others students to follow norms in a classroom is by telling them to keep quiet while the teacher is lecturing or giving out instructions. It shows the norm of courtesy toward teachers and classmates that should be given in a classroom.
Professor PIH
In public people tent to conform because they do not want to be the person that stands out, but I think everyone breaks norms in their own way. In public people are rabid conformist but at home i think they break certain norms.
If you see all the students doing what they are suppose to do your not going to want to be the student that stands out. Therefor you must conform to what all the other students are doing.
I believe that all people are conformist of some sort. We adapt ourselves to what society views as appropriate. We fear standing out or disrupting the norm of day to day life. When we are “behind closed doors” we tend to break our habits. We do things we wouldn’t do in front of society. When in the presence of other students we tend to go with the flow of what everyone else is doing. If everyone is complaining how much they hate their class and how much of a waste of time it is chances are that the other students will agree in avoidance of standing out.
Interesting one !!